Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.

Winston Churchill

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

Mark Twain

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

George Bernard Shaw

I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Bertrand Russell

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers.

Nikita Khruschev

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

P. J. O'Rourke

It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then. As long as you don't break any.

Mae West

Lady: Sir, you are drunk!
Winston Churchill: Madam, you are ugly. But, in the morning I shall be sober.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Anonymous

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined ones.

Mark Twain

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Groucho Marx

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Voltaire

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Adlai Stevenson