Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Groucho Marx

Time's fun when you're having flies.

Kermit the Frog

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.

Maurice Chevalier

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Isaac Asimov

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Bob Hope

When I go I want to go in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming, like the people in his car.

S. Simone

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Anonymous

It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.

Brigitte Bardot

Trying to have sex at my age is like trying to play pool with a rope.

George Burns

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Lily Tomlin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.

Golda Meir

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Joan Rivers