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12 pages of
Classic Wit:
 
Too much good
   
  Fish make love  
   
  Life in men  
   
  Drove to drink  
   
  Keep a diary  
   
  Women equal men  
   
  Easily shocked  
   
  Hard man  
   
  Time Flies  
   
  Be somebody  
   
  Astor & Churchill  
   
  Don't drink  
   

 

Classic Wit

Page
9 of 12

The best humorous quotes from our greatest wits

We scoured the net for these choice pieces of wit from great humorists past and present. They are selected for their pithiness and wisdom as well as their humor. Read them and brighten your day.


So just what are time flies, and why do they like an arrow?

Groucho Marx


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Groucho Marx

 

Time's fun when you're having flies.

Kermit the Frog

 

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.

Maurice Chevalier

 

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

 

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella

 

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Isaac Asimov

 

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Bob Hope

 

When I go I want to go in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming, like the people in his car.

S. Simone

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Anonymous

 

It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.

Brigitte Bardot

 

Trying to have sex at my age is like trying to play pool with a rope.

George Burns

 

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Lily Tomlin

 

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

 

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

 

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.

Golda Meir

 

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Joan Rivers


To see our collection of Winston Churchill quotes, click here.

Classic Wit: Humorous quotes on T-shirts, tops and gifts

All the quotes shown above feature on this page from the Classic Wit calendar. The image is also available as a mousemat. Eleven more images with quotes appear on the 12-month calendar, and the main illustrated quote from each page is available on a range of T-shirts and giftware.

Click for next page

Classic Wit calendar
Mousepad
Calendar
12 months of
Classic Wit.
Mousepad
Durable cloth top,
rubber backing.

 


Throw Pillow
Throw Pillow
18" X 18" with an
11” X 11” image.
Dark T-Shirt
Dark T-Shirt
Pre-shrunk, durable
and guaranteed.
White T-Shirt
Women's T-Shirt
Most comfortable
Women's tee ever.
Tote Bag
Tote Bag
10oz heavyweight
natural canvas.
Large Mug
Large Mug
15oz. ceramic.
Large handle.
 


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