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12 pages of
Classic Wit:
 
Too much good
   
  Fish make love  
   
  Life in men  
   
  Drove to drink  
   
  Keep a diary  
   
  Women equal men  
   
  Easily shocked  
   
  Hard man  
   
  Time Flies  
   
  Be somebody  
   
  Astor & Churchill  
   
  Don't drink  
   

 

Classic Wit

Page
4 of 12

The best humorous quotes from our greatest wits

We scoured the net for these choice pieces of wit from great humorists past and present. They are selected for their pithiness and wisdom as well as their humor. Read them and brighten your day.


A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W C Fields


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

 

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Tom Waits

 

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Humphrey Bogart

 

Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?

Anonymous

 

Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination.

Anonymous

 

Let your head be more than a funnel to your stomach.

German proverb

 

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

 

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Robert Benchley

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

H. L. Mencken

 

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Hunter S. Thompson

 

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

Dick Cavett

 

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

Slappy White

 

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Henny Youngman

 

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

 

Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till the day-after-tomorrow just as well.

Mark Twain


To see our collection of Winston Churchill quotes, click here.

Classic Wit: Humorous quotes on T-shirts, tops and gifts

All the quotes shown above feature on this page from the Classic Wit calendar. The image is also available as a mousemat. Eleven more images with quotes appear on the 12-month calendar, and the main illustrated quote from each page is available on a range of T-shirts and giftware.

Click for next page

Classic Wit calendar
Mousepad
Calendar
12 months of
Classic Wit.
Mousepad
Durable cloth top,
rubber backing.

 


Throw Pillow
Throw Pillow
18" X 18" with an
11” X 11” image.
Dark T-Shirt
Dark T-Shirt
Pre-shrunk, durable
and guaranteed.
White T-Shirt
Women's T-Shirt
Most comfortable
Women's tee ever.
Tote Bag
Tote Bag
10oz heavyweight
natural canvas.
Large Mug
Large Mug
15oz. ceramic.
Large handle.
 


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