When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Tom Waits

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Humphrey Bogart

Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?

Anonymous

Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination.

Anonymous

Let your head be more than a funnel to your stomach.

German proverb

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Robert Benchley

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

H. L. Mencken

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Hunter S. Thompson

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

Dick Cavett

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

Slappy White

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Henny Youngman

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till the day-after-tomorrow just as well.

Mark Twain